As a writer I am always looking for inspiration. Today I found it in my daughter, Lily. She has completed her
intensive home training! Now that she can read confidently she is off to public
school again for fourth grade. She is so
excited! She will be in a class “alone”
and her three highly competitive brothers will share a teacher. This is one of my favorites. She doesn’t compete with them the way they do
with each other. There’s just nothing in
common to compete about. My life is
simplified for having one set of instructions for the boys and my sweet girl
gets to be unique without them telling her how different she is all the time.
This morning we went to school early and met
the teachers before class started. Lily was beside herself with joy to see that
her teacher had written her name in “the color that matches her eyes!” She made
sure everyone she saw knew about it.
Her teacher is going to be the perfect match for Lily’s personality.
When her teacher asked if she was happy to
be in her own class and not with the boys, Lily said, “Yeah! I have to be with them all the time at home. I need some space to be without them.” She is so definite of what she wants it’s
almost funny if it weren’t so inspiring.
She told the teacher how she was going to make new friends and how
excited she was to be able to have a recess with girls. I wish I could be that focused on my goals and
desires.
I followed them all out to the playground
and observed them interacting with the other kids. My heart swelled to see them happy to be with
me and happy to be on their own, just happy.
Isn’t that what all parents want for their kids, happiness? Well, I was
watching them have it. It was great
until I noticed that everyone out there were boys except my girl. She was following her brothers around until Evan
stopped and had a talk with her.
I don’t know what was said because I was
too far away. That way I can observe more
realistically. It looked like a regular
visit until he flung his arm flung over her head and stretched its full length to
be sure there was no mistaking which direction he was pointing. If he could have used his arm, head and legs
to point he would have. Lily looked
where his arm aimed and began walking that way. She stopped walking when she got to the group
of girls standing a few feet away.
They welcomed her and they all started
talking like they knew each other already.
She probably did know them from before we started homeschooling. I know there are lots of kids who remember
Lily. I heard them greeting her in the
hallway. One mother’s eyes lit up when she saw us. She told me how her son kept talking about
how he wished Lily was still going to their school last year. She already has her little group of fans
cheering her on.
This made me wonder how many things I say
that I am excited about, but when it comes right down to it, I am reluctant to
jump into and do it. Even when I already
have a foundation begun. Even when it’s
right there waiting for me to take a few steps and engage. Even when I have
others cheering for me. I still find
that I need an extra shove, like a brother pointing out which girls to talk to.
How many opportunities do I miss because
I am afraid of leaving me comfort zone, or lack direction?
Here I am embarking on a new adventure as I
am forced out of my comfort zone into the land of having no kids to care for at
home. It’s like I get a ‘do over’ of when they went to kindergarten. I was not at all organized in my thoughts
back then. I was just trying to survive
and I am sure I missed plenty because of my short sided dreams. My dreams still include the survival goals of
feed kids, bath kids, breath, repeat.
But they have expanded. I can do
more than survive now. This time there
will be more. More direction, more peace of mind, more ambition, more quality in
everything I do, simply more.
I feel like this is an obvious second
chance to become more. I wonder how many
other second chances I have not noticed.
I am definitely going to be more observant this time around!